I'm Just Sayin'

The Short Yellow Bus of Blogs

A Plea for Sanity

I’m scared.

Ok maybe scared isn’t the right word; terrified I think hits the nail on the head.

I honestly didn’t think I would be this nervous the closer we got to Election Day.  I didn’t think it would be a slam dunk (remember no one thought Trump would even get a ticket to the RNC let alone come within a hairs breath of the White House) but I also didn’t think it would be a close as it is. It feels like a see-saw, one side gets up and then it goes back down.  This Election could go either way and that’s not good.

I will be embarrassed  if Trump is elected into our Highest Office (I stand by my belief that no matter what, this election will hold a first; either we elect the first Woman president or we elect the first internet troll). So yeah this is the first time in all the years I’ve been able to vote that I feel utterly terrified of what the outcome could be. Trump is a misogynistic, racists asshole who will make us the laughing stock of the entire planet. This man talks about building walls that Mexico will pay for, banning Muslims, that his hands prove he has a big penis, grabbing women by their pussies,  and  with all that and he is still a viable candidate. While Howard Dean screamed like a banshee and that derailed his presidential run.

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Oh how I long for the screaming days

 So I beg, I plead, I implore you all don’t let this country fall into the hands of a 6’3 Oompa Loompa and his bible thumping Race Bannon looking partner. We took some amazing steps forward in the last 8 years. Don’t force us to take 50 steps back. Fine you don’t like Hilary because she is shady, guess what THEY ARE ALL SHADY!!!  This election is too important to not vote because YOUR preferred candidate didn’t make it  , its too important to vote 3rd party because yes you will be splitting the vote, it’s too important to simply be blasé about it. On Nov 8th bite down on that leather strip, grind your teeth into nubs in frustration and vote for Hilary because, seriously , do you really want to see this orange faced baboon for the next 4 years…

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November 6, 2016 Posted by | General Thoughts | | Leave a comment

He’s Back…Again

So yeah it’s been a while. I sit, I watch the screen and nothing comes out. Oh I dabble here and there. Typing a line here, throwing out a word there but nothing comes together to make a cohesive thought. It just seems like rambling; the stream of consciousness of a crazy person looking for attention.
I do love to write. I love coming up with thoughts that make one think, make one laugh or even make one cringe (confusion is a given when it comes to some of the things I’ve written) Mostly my writing has been little bits on Facebook and Twitter. Nuggets of thoughts put into an arena of safety because I’m afraid of boring the crap out of people in long form. 140 characters (a few more on FB) down and I feel good. But it’s only a sampling. I need to stop with the spoonful of sugars and make with the full blown 10 course meal. I can no longer let fear get in the way of what puts a smile on my face.

I turned 40 yesterday. For some this is a milestone; their moment of “Wow I can’t believe I made it this far” but it wasn’t like that for me. I don’t live that James Dean “Live fast and die young” lifestyle (Unless living fast means watching a DVD, having a glass of wine and being in bed by 10pm) But it did get me thinking, the same thinking some people get at 25, 30 35, 40 and hell even 50; What am I doing now? Where am I going? Don’t worry this isn’t going to be a woe is me blog, I am very content with my life for the most part. Could it be better? Of course it can be. 99% (and that was intentional) of us would say that and the 1% are just greedy bastards who can’t seem to get enough those money grubbing…Oh sorry, sorry that’s for a later blog. What I’m saying is that time keeps moving, people freak out when “THAT” age approaches whatever age it maybe (I know someone who freaked out when they were turning 21, there are some people who deserve repeated slaps) but you can either embrace it, welcome it into your home, make it some dinner and enjoy it’s company or you can barricade the door, turn off the lights like you’re hiding from kids on Halloween and pray the Boogie Age will go away but no matter what, it will find you and it will have its way with you whether you like it or not.

Yep that's what getting old is like.

Bottom line is you can’t let fear get in the way; fear of people not like things, fear that you’re too old. They say 40 is the new 30 and I get that. The 40 we hit now is not the 40 our parents and grandparents had, but at the same time when I think “I’m 10 years to 50” yeah it’s hard to not think that 40 is the way station on the road to senior citizen-ville. But at this point who cares it’s here and so I have to make the most of it. So no more fear, no more worries. Just writing and writing. I have some new columns I’ll be trying out for your reading pleasure. And please let me know what you think. I can’t say I will agree with your thoughts and I can’t say I will alter my writing style or humor (that’s like asking me to talk with a different voice) but I love discourse so let me have it, be as eloquent as Oscar Wilde or just tell me to Fuck Off, either way works for me.

November 11, 2011 Posted by | General Thoughts | 1 Comment

Our Next President

I just came back from Jack in the Box and this is the unedited transcript of a conversation between the counter person and the guy in front of me.

Counter Person: Hello what can I get you today?

Guy: There’s bacon in the bacon double cheeseburger right?

Counter Person: ummmm yes sir.

I weep for humanity.

April 14, 2011 Posted by | General Thoughts | 1 Comment

A New Day Had Dawned

My birthday just passed. And besides the gift of friendships and booze I got me a swanky new laptop.  So I feel that I need to utilize this little bad boy to it’s fullest. So get ready because “The blog is back”!!!

November 12, 2010 Posted by | General Thoughts | Leave a comment

Price Tags

I recently found out about a friend of mine decided that enough was enough and it was time for a major change; It was time to stop drinking. He had been an abuser for many many years, nearly dying at one point. But even near death wouldn’t get him off, but then he got his girlfriend pregnant and that’s when things started to change and he realized that he wanted to live for the sake of his child and it was time to be a man. So he decided to go to rehab. We all applauded his choice and thought that this was it, this was for real. Well there was one little problem; his insurance wouldn’t cover rehab. Specifically they wouldn’t cover out patient rehab, they would cover a 30 day in patient stint. But there was no way he could do that since he a had a full time job and a family to support. So the rehab facility, said “your insurance won’t cover you so we can’t help you, good bye” And that was that.

So what is one to do? And I know there are other options but at the same time when one goes in for help, how can you turn someone away?? It’s no secret that the medical industry in this country is almost in a choke hold with the insurance companies. It’s good to have insurance but don’t you dare try to actually use it. So if any one reading this happens to be in the insurance industry could you tell me what is the current retail value of a human life?

May 26, 2009 Posted by | General Thoughts | Leave a comment

All’s Fair at the Job Fair

So back in October I became a member of a very exclusive club called “The Unemployed”, very few members to my understanding. So while on my many trips to Monster.com, applying for careers I have zero experience in, I came across an ad for a job fair they were holding here in Los Angeles. I thought, “this was my chance to meet some employers and wow them with my personality and extensive experience”. So I headed out in search of my silver lining, my pot of gold at the end of the rainbow we call Broke Ass Mofo.

Our tale begins with a trip to the quaint little cottage known as The Downtown Marriot. Things didn’t start out well as I was expected to valet my car for $13.00. Now as a member of The Unemployed I must do whatever I can to conserve my meager nest egg (No lip from anyone concerning my DVD purchases thank you). That right there told me things were not going to go well. I mean shouldn’t the job fair had made some sort of deal with the hotel to maybe cut down on the cost of parking, something to help out the people who are making an effort to get work. So I noticed across the street there was a sign that read “$9.90 all day before 10:30am” Awesome, it’s only 9:50. So I frogger my way across the street, park and headed for my future.

Once inside there was the sign next to the escalator telling me where to go. When I got to the top, there was a line of people waiting for the doors to the big hall to be opened. To be honest, I figured the place would be packed with wall-to-wall job seekers but it was rather light for our current state.
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I took my place and began making conversation with some of the other folks. I met Andrew, we exchanged pleasantries, which consisted of “how are you:” and “How long have you been out of work?” He told me he had been laid off a year and half ago. I asked him what he did and he replied that he worked for the auto industry. At this point everyone within earshot gave a collective pity groan. Every horror story we all heard regarding people in the auto industry from builders to sellers came crashing in. I’m surprised no one put a hat in front of him and started throwing change in. He was happy though; hopeful that this little event would help him in some way, we all thought that. I also met Richard, a young man probably around his early 20’s. He had worked in sales (nobody groaned about that) and got laid off 6 months earlier. He cracked me up because he kept mentioning how hot some of the girls were and if he didn’t get a job he might get a date. I just smiled and nodded a lot but all I kept thinking was “Well you’re unemployed and she’s unemployed so what are you going to say to her, ‘Hey want to go dutch on a cup of coffee?’

So..your cardboard box or mine?

So..your cardboard box or mine?

I get it; we are doing all we can to look for work but we also need time to just be human and not worry about things. It’s a strain on both body and mind to be stressed and this is a stressful time. If I wasn’t so tightly wound like I was that day and if I didn’t have a girlfriend, I would have been bird watching just like him, But my mind was so focused that nothing was going to get me off the path. So I was confident that this was going to be a positive experience, especially after I got my name badge and personal Monster.com pee-chee folder. That was until they opened the doors.

The room was set up with booths, sort of like Comic-Con for the broke. Each booth had between 2 to 3 people all with that Stepford smile that said “Hi, I would rather have my hair on fire than be here” They all had black curtains and simple white signs that had black lettering indicating who they were. At times I didn’t know if it was a job fair or a puppet show.

Suprisingly no unemployed muppets were here.

Suprisingly no unemployed muppets were here.

I took a quick tour around the place (it wasn’t very big) and then hit my first booth, which was NBC Universal. My dream is to be involved in the entertainment industry. I don’t care what it takes to get my foot in the door, if making coffee and mopping the bathroom floor will get me in the front door, then had me a mop and a percolator. So I stood in line with the other hopefuls and finally made it to the front. There were 2 women and a man; the guy was wearing a universal studio polo shirt. I proceeded to talk to the ladies, handing my resume to them and discussing my qualifications.

Ladies (doesn’t matter which): So you seem to have a lot of people experience and you have a lot of managerial work behind you.

Me: Oh yes I’ve been running crews for over 10 years now.

Ladies: Well great. Ok so just go to our website, up load your resume and you’ll be all set.

Me (a bit confused) Ummmm well I already did that.

Ladies: Great well you are all set.

Yes apparently I was being too proactive in my job search and beat them to the punch when it came to letting me know about going to their website. I was a little annoyed but I sucked it up and decided that I would ask them about possible job opportunities at Universal Studios

Me: So can I ask you about jobs at Universal Studios

Ladies: Oh well you can talk to the gentlemen here, he can help you

Me: Great (I start to move toward him)

Ladies: Oh I’m sorry you are going to have to go back in line.

Me: Go back in Line?? But he’s in the same booth, right next to you.

Ladies: Yes but he’s not affiliated with us.

Me: Wait, isn’t this NBC Universal??

Ladies: Yes but he deals with the amusement park, it’s a separate entity.

At this point I felt my brain oozing out of my ears. I stood there for what felt like 10 year and slowly moved to the back of the other line (I was waiting for the slow Bruce Banner music to start playing). I won’t go into too much detail about the meeting with the Universal dude, but know it was pretty much the exact same thing which was “go to the website and upload your resume and you’ll be all set”. I hit 3 other booths and they all said the same thing. I’ve come to hate the phrase, “You’ll be all set” The reason I only hit 4 total was because the other places were hiring for sales positions. Now if that’s your thing God bless you, but I’m not a sales person, never been good at it so those places were out and the rest were temp agencies; half of them I had signed up with to such rousing success that I ended up at the job fair (that was sarcasm by the way).

There was a stage set up for a presentation about the Do’s and Don’ts of interviewing and resume writing. I decided to stick around; maybe they would give some helpful advice. Oh did they ever with such little nuggets as

Remember, use your spell check and make sure there are no spelling or punctuation errors on your resume.

I giggled a bit. I was thinking “wow this is silly I mean who really needs to be told that?” Apparently A LOT of people need to be told that. I looked around and saw quite a few people scribbling that piece of genius down as if their life depended on it. The guy next to me wrote it down and started repeating it to himself like it was his new mantra. I was stunned that this was something people didn’t seem to know. I would have loved to have seen these resumes; commas after every word, letters in the middle of the word capitalized, I wouldn’t even be surprised if they were written in crayon with a backward S. And the wisdom train kept chugging along with this handy little tip

Remember; don’t be late for you interviews. Employers will hold that against you.

If I wasn’t seated in the second row I would have left at this point. This was getting ridiculous. I understand that if they have to say it then it must have happened but I’ve always had the misguided thought that people were generally smart. But the fact of the matter is we live in a time where people need to be told that their coffee is hot and that being late for a job interview is bad. Again, I scanned the audience as she unleashed this revelation and the look of clarity that swept across their faces was the equivalent of 5 years olds being told that dinosaurs once roamed the earth. The lady finally ended this stunning overture. I was hoping for a big finale like a song and dance bit; maybe people dressed as giant pinks slips dancing to “Working for the Weekend”.

I walked out of there disheartened and frustrated. I looked back; at what was essentially, a feeding frenzy and all that was offered were scraps. The idea is great; give everyone a chance to meet the people who hire. They are either just voices on a phone or anonymous emails, so here was our chance to meet, greet and show them what we got. But it turned out to be just meet, greet and direct me to your website that I already went too. As I was leaving I ran into a couple of sales reps for Monster and they asked me what I thought. I told them what I just wrote and also said that there just wasn’t enough variety; everything in there was geared more toward sales. One of the reps said that a few were also offering IT work (forever the sales person). I told him that while I am good on computers I don’t have the level of experience to work IT. But I thanked them for at least attempting to help people get back on their feet. As I walked out I began feeling scared about my future. Before this event I was more positive, more hopeful that things would turn around but afterwards I just got depressed; I literally thought, soup kitchen here I come. But thanks to a great girlfriend, awesome friends and supportive family, I think I found my smile again. Slowly I’m getting back to my positive frame of mind because I believe, sooner rather than later, change is a-comin. In the mean time I did find a part time job that will keep me a float until I find something more permanent. I just got the uniform.
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If you see me at your local liquor store don’t hesitate to say hi.

May 24, 2009 Posted by | General Thoughts | , , , | 3 Comments

The Anti-Sugar Daddy

*We would like to apologize for the delay of our next presentation. The author has been suffering from writers block (if writers block means “being a complete lazy ass” ) But we appreciate your patience and hope you enjoy the show-The Management

My blood sugar is 125!!!!

Yes oh thank God.

Ok so you are probably wondering what I’m ranting about. Some of you will look at that statement and go “Oh that’s great, good for you” A lot of you though will look at that and say “What the hell is he talking about?? What blood sugar level?? I came here to read a rather long but ultimately pointless movie review or some crap about his childhood.” I will get back to your regularly scheduled fart joke after I delved into a more serious arena (well as serious as I can make it)

Back in October I was diagnosed with diabetes. Now this didn’t come as a complete shock as it runs in my family. But to hear it said, to actually know for sure that this is happening, well it still hit me like a ton of bricks. The thing is I saw the signs, I knew something was wrong but I didn’t want to face it. I just went about my business ignoring everything and treating those signs as if they were normal. And then I met my girlfriend and she started noticing the weird things that were going on. Things like my consistent drinking and continuous peeing ( I might as well have just stayed in the bathroom with the amount of time I had to go) She noticed dark patches around my neck and my sleep wasn’t exactly restful. Oh did I happen to mention she’s a nurse practionare, yeah she’s like one step below a doctor (a bit of advice. If you want to bury your head in the sand, if you don’t want to face the truth about your health DON”T DATE A MEDICAL PERSON!!! Hell even a podiatrist can see things)

Well anyway she had me do a test called “Oral Glucose Tolerance Test” You take your blood sugar level in the morning before you eat, then you drink 75 grams of glucose which is like drinking clear molasses and then wait 2 hours and test it again.. Normal readings are between 80 and 120. When I took it in the morning my level was 225, when I took it two hours later it hit 323. I remember looking at the numbers and just feeling drained. My girlfriend sat with me and just stared at the reading. This was real. No joke, no excuses, this was the plain and simple truth. I was scared. I knew my mother had it but I didn’t know about type 1 or type 2 diabetes. All I thought was “I’m going to have to give my self shots” and I have a horrible time with needles. My gf found a doctor for me and I started doing the research.

OK so first things first; diabetes is basically a lack of insulin. What is insulin you ask; Insulin is a hormone that is needed to convert sugar (glucose), starches and other food into energy needed for daily life. Now I learned that I’m a type 2 diabetic which means; either my body does not produce enough insulin or the cells ignore the insulin. This type of diabetes can be controlled with diet and exercise and maybe a pill, which is what I am doing. Interestingly enough, Type 2 diabetes is more common in African Americans, Latinos, Native Americans, and Asian Americans/Pacific Islanders, as well as the aged population ( I swear whitey gets all the breaks). Type 1 diabetic or juvenile diabetics (usually diagnosed in children and young adults) are those whose body does not produce insulin and they require daily shots. Symptoms include frequent trips to the bathroom, unquenchable thirst, weakness and fatigue. And as far as what can happen to you if you don’t get treatment; those include heart disease, kidney disease, eye complications and the grand daddy in my opinion erectile dysfunction. Yes men diabetes can give you limp dick and believe me I would much rather have a heart attack than not be able to attack hard. Another thing I found interesting, and by interesting I mean totally and utterly terrifying, was that diabetes can cause bad blood circulation, which again if not treated, could cause you to lose your feet in either pieces or one whole chunk. Did you see The Good Shepard? Did you notice how Robert De Niro’s leg kept getting shorter and shorter; yeah that’s it exactly. So if you have diabetes keep an eye on your foot, because if you don’t, those little piggies will go “wee wee wee” all the way to a plastic bag.

Look I’m not trying to scare anyone but the truth is; this can affect anyone. My diet was lousy. The closest I came to eating healthy was a rice cake covered in Nutella. And my exercise regiment consisted of me jogging…from my bed to the couch and doing remote control curls every half hour. It was pretty much inevitable that I would get as it runs in my family but I quickened its arrival by just not taking care of myself. But that has changed. I have started working out on a fairly regular basis (I try to work out 3 times a week which is great for me since I used to get winded filling out a gym membership) and I’ve cut my portions down significantly and I always look at the carbohydrate count on most products I buy. My doctor put me on medication but she said if I lose enough weight and keep up the exercise I’ll have no need for it anymore so there is light at the end of the tunnel.

So there you have it. I’m not going to be mother hen or anything like that but if you or someone you know have any of the symptoms I mentioned please see a doctor. It’s better to be safe than lose a foot, suffer a stroke or lose the ability to have morning wood.

April 30, 2009 Posted by | General Thoughts | 1 Comment

Porn Almost Ruined Me

I lost my virginity at 14. Not my physical virginity, I mean my porno virginity. Oh I was also a youngster when I first felt the joys of carnal pleasures …which lasted roughly 2 minutes (and I think I’m being generous with myself) but 14 was the point when I first saw what sex was, and how it looked to me like a combination of high school wrestling and pants wetting terror.

Now as shocking as this may sound, I haven’t always been this sexual Lothario you see before you. There was a point, before I became the Horatio Hornblower of the labia minor, where I was a gawky, shy and completely inept little boy. I was so naïve and so ignorant about the human body, especially the female form. My knowledge of the inner workings of the female anatomy was equivalent to my current knowledge of the inner workings of a nuclear fusion reactor (now, knowing more about females, I’ve learned that a fusion reactor would be a lot simpler to understand and probably easier to turn on) So at the young crisp age of 14 I find myself at my friends house. He, I and a few other compatriots are trying to figure out what trouble to get into. He then reveals that his older brother has an adult film (ok he said fuck film, hey we weren’t exactly Longfellow’s over here). So off he went to his brothers room and nearly tore the place apart looking for said film. He finally emerged from the room; holding the dusty VHS tape in his hand like Belloq held the idol in front of the natives in Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Yes we bowed as well

Yes we bowed as well

So we all pile in front of the TV, he inserts the tape and off we go. The tape was in the middle so no pesky title sequence, no set up, once play was pushed sex appeared before our eyes. Luckily it was a simple one on one scene; one guy, one girl all grunts. So here were these two naked people, and I was trying to see where everything fit. He was moving around and she kind of lay there. Oh she occasionally propped herself up on her elbows to get a better look but for the most part she just smiled, breathed heavily and gave the random “Oh yeah baby, right there, that feels good” while the guy looked like he was going to pass out, He was breathing and wheezing like he was running a 125 mile marathon (Sadly nothing much has changed). But then I notice he is going faster and he starts yelling “here it comes” and I’m looking all over the screen because I have no idea what the hell he’s talking about. And then it happened. I was shocked that this guy had some white liquid coming out of his wee-wee and then the pained expression on his face spoke volumes. That was not mayo coming out, that obviously was some sort of corrosive acid that we, as males, some how store in our bodies and at the peak of sex it comes out, burning it’s way through and then bursting with such force from our wee-wee’s that it causes extreme agony …either that or he passed a kidney stone.

Ejaculating or kidney stone you make the call

Ejaculating or kidney stone you make the call

In either case I was horrified beyond belief. Why would any man do this to himself, why would you want to feel what is unmistakably raw, unadulterated pain? I stood up and with complete conviction said “Fuck that I ain’t having sex” oh I had the makings of a public speaker didn’t I. Needless to say that proclamation didn’t last too long as 6 months later I met a girl and with a lot of talking and crying I learned that there is no pain in sex , it comes either before with giggling and pointing or afterwards with a look of disappointment.

I still look at porn from time to time (oh who am I kidding, I just bought my porn collection an anniversary present) and the acting is no better than when I was a kid. So I’ve decided to open up the Stanislavski Acting School for Male Porn Stars, the females are already adept at faking their joy, ummmm well at least that’s what I’ve been told. I want them to be to able to show male pleasure in such a way that it doesn’t frighten the bejeezus out of people, I want their climaxes to have a Hallelujah and end with a wink and smile. So that future generations of sneaky, naïve boys don’t go through the same nightmarish experience I went through. Hallelujah!!!

supe-wink

February 11, 2009 Posted by | General Thoughts | 7 Comments

Parenthood

So the other day I picked up my girlfriends daughter from school. I feel my gf and I have reached that level in our relationship where picking up and dropping off her kid and moving large pieces of furniture starts becoming part of the norm (but taking her to the airport is like asking for marriage and I am not ready for that ) So I drove to the high school, parked and preceded to witness rudeness and a complete lack of common sense unfold before my very eyes.

It started innocently enough; a few cars parked here, a few there. But then more started to show up, and the streets started getting a bit thick with the autos and it was building and building and all of a sudden I felt like Suzanne Pleshette in The Birds when she was sitting in front of the Jungle Jim.

Imagine them with wheels

Imagine them with wheels

As all this was going on a mini van pulled into the spot in front of me. Not a big deal except for the fact that that spot was a driveway. As soon as the woman pulled up, the owner of the house came out and got in her car. She slowly started to back up with the misbegotten thought that Miss Mini Van would, oh I don’t know, MOVE HER CAR!!!. But she didn’t, she sat there, looking over at the lady trying to get out and back to the school, presumably to will her kid into the car. This went on for a few minutes. The owner then proceeded to get out of her car and walk up to Miss Mini Van in the hopes that a resolution would soon follow, i.e, MOVING HER DAMN CAR!!!. My window was rolled down so this was the exchange I heard.

Owner: Could you please move your car.

Miss Mini Van: Could you wait just a few minutes; I’m waiting for my daughter.

The owner, knowing that I was parked behind Miss Mini Van, turned and gave me a look…

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And I gave her one back…

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She then looked at Miss Mini Van again and said

Owner: Look I need to leave, could you please move.

Miss Mini van: Please just a few minutes until my daughter comes out

Again…

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and again…

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The owner then said something along the lines of “move your damn car” actually that’s exactly what she said. And Miss Mini Van huffed and said “You are rude” It was at that point that I started looking for Rod Serling because there was no way I was in the same universe as this lady. And that’s when I realized that some, not all but some (and when I say some I mean damn near a lot) parents seem to have this weird sense of entitlement. That just because they have kids, the laws that govern not just this world but the whole universe doesn’t seem to apply to them. With kids they seem to have this “Get Out of Courtesy” card, ready to hand out at a moments notice if anyone dares to cross paths with them.

Look I know having kids is a tremendous responsibility and it takes hard work, dedication and lots and lots of booze just to get through the day BUT at the end of the day they are YOUR kids not MINE and why do I need to suffer because things aren’t going your way. It’s like this broad couldn’t just move her car, let the owner leave and then pull in again. Or worse yet, have to drive off and go around the block, and what; her daughter comes out, sees her mom not there and then proceeds to go fetal with panic because mommy wasn’t out front, gimmie a break. And it got me thinking about some of the other things parents have done that have made me want to break out the clothes hangers and abort them in the 200th trimester.

1. Using the ATM as a teaching tool. I’m sooooo glad you are involved in your kids learning. And it warms the cockles of my heart to see you helping your kids work the ATM..BUT NOT WHEN I’M FRIGGIN’ BEHIND YOU!!!!! I got a hooker to pay off and you’re busy showing your kids that 1=ABC, get out of the way damn it.

2. Bringing kids to adult films. No I don’t mean porno (although with what I’ve seen I wouldn’t be surprised) I just don’t get parents who brings little kids to films that are either going to be too intense (My Bloody Valentine) or going to bore them to tears (Frost Nixon doesn’t involve space chimps or features a hotel for dogs last time I checked). So when I’m at the movies, unless I see the Pixar lamp jumping around on screen there is no reason for me to hear the high pitched shrill of what I think is a Velociraptor but turns out to be a 5 month old looking for a tit.

So mommy, is it the left one or right one this time?

So mommy, is it the left one or right one this time?

3. Parents and their carriages. No matter where I am; an amusement park, a mall, a post-apocalyptic wasteland any time I see more than 2 parents pushing their kids around, it will inevitably turn into a scene from The Road Warrior. Parents racing or ramming their carriages all over the place to get to the elevator first or out the door before anyone else. And watching a parent maneuver their hummmer-esque baby carriage around a small boutique is like seeing an MC Escher painting come to life.

I got more but I think I’m done. Lets just all be nice to one another, that’s all I’m saying, Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to hate pet owners for a while. See ya.

February 5, 2009 Posted by | General Thoughts | 7 Comments

BEST PIC EVER!!!!

Spidertooper
Spidertooper
Does what ever a spidertooper does
Spins a web every time
Shoots like shit
Must be blind
Look out, here comes the Spidertooper
Spidertrooper

February 4, 2009 Posted by | General Thoughts | 4 Comments