Posted in Films


I can’t recall the last time I saw a film where Angels were the bad guys, in fact I think Michael with John Travolta was the last time an Angel terrified humanity. Seeing the trailer for Legion got me all jazzed and I couldn’t wait to see the terror and action unfold before my eyes. Wasn’t quite sure why an angel would need large guns but I was open to anything.

What a mess.

That’s the exact thought that came to my head about an hour into this piece of drivel. The sad thing is, I love pre, post and everything in between apocalyptic flicks. The idea that God has had it with us and is about to pull the plug put me in a giddy mood to see some angel on angel action. I thought, at the very least, I could leave my brain at the door and have a good time. But apparently I would have enjoyed this film even more if I left my eyesight, hearing and any semblance of conciseness at the door as well.

Paul Benttany plays Michael, an Angel who defies God’s proclamation that humans are to be eradicated from the planet. He comes down and promptly cuts off his wings. Why? Don’t know, but I’m sure they’ll explain. He arrives at a diner populated by the saddest bunch of sad sacks to protect the unborn child of a waitress because said child will save humanity from it’s fate. How? Don’t know but I’m sure they’ll explain.. Then Angels, who have possessed humans, attack the diner. Why are angels possessing humans? Don’t know but I’m sure they’ll explain. Then another angel, Gabriel, arrives and seems to be the only angel that can now go near the newborn baby. Why? Don’t know, but I’m sure they’ll explain. I’m guessing you’re sensing a pattern here.

And there in lies the biggest problem for me, NOTHING IS EVER EXPLAINED!!!! Now I don’t need things spoon-fed to me and not every single solitary plot device has to be google mapped for me to figure out, but give me a little something. Why do Angels inhabit humans? Why did Michael cut off his wings especially when it would have been a lot quicker to convince people he was an angel and probably made fighting his fellow angels a bit easier? Why are angels afraid of bullets? Why do angels bleed and how exactly can they die? And why is God going through with this elaborate Lex Luthor-esque plan to kill an infant when all he would need to do is just make her miscarry? People tell me I over think this kind of stuff but I can’t help it when it’s pretty blatant. It’s like the writers were slamming away on their typewriters and someone else was reading each page and went “whoa whoa don’t you think you need to elaborate on certain items” and the writers went “Ahhh screw all that explaining stuff, we are giving them kick ass angels they won’t care about shit like that” As far as I’m concerned God did punish us by allowing this film to hit the theaters.